Strength in Surrendering  

The storms will come, the rain will fall

and I will continue…

I will walk through, not run to shelter,

as the wind strikes

and the storm catches its breath.

Some days, finding my way sheepishly through with the weight of the rain.

Other days, I walk with the confidence of a wolf after its prey captured.

But most of all, I look up in adoration,

I am still here.

Alive in every moment, living a truth that set me free to continue.

 

There came a point a few seasons back,

when lightning illuminated, and I understood.

In that flash, it was not enough to say I survived.

I had to live…

To stop waiting for clear sky days,

Because waiting meant I was not carrying forward

How much living could I do behind doors?

In daydreams never experienced?

So, I opened up to the forecasts within

Touching the sky with my eyes, spirit.

 

 

Looking up, I understand the golden complexities of life….

And know I must

surrender to live and not live to surrender.

 

Today my heartbeat like thunder and rattled me to the essence

Every time I endure, a new strength is created,

A strength formed by standing on the shoulders of all those that have thrived survived….

 

Now open the door, step through the storms.

it’s your moment to touch the sky…

 

 

 

 

 

One Step At A Time

Oh, my dear ones,

When you look down

Find something to look at

Even when raindrops form in your eyes and make puddles

Splash in them triumphantly because you are alive!

Oh, I know your battles

I look down too

Some days I can’t bear to look the world in the eyes

Today I look down

to the kind shoes I had as a teen

When illness had not reached my bones

And I smile

Stick, stones and names didn’t break me

I didn’t break me….

And I look up

Willing, able to fight for my life

Because I belong here

As do you

Oh, my dear warriors

Even when you look down know you are on the battle ground

Pushing forward

Conquering your battles one step at a time

 

As She Dreams

Written in 2008

And I will be the one to steal the nightmares away
As you dream
I will ravenously ….glutinously eat at all the spoiled memories and chaos
Remembered and forgotten
I will eat with the appetite of a million hungry men
Until my stomach
And Heart aches
Like your has all these years
As you dream love
And I will kiss you
No, not like the others
I will place my mouth over yours
And breathe in the ugly heaviness
Your lunatic laugh
Your screams of agony
Mercy !Mercy!Please!
They are all now mine to own
Because I adore you …and want you to dream
I will lie with you in my arms you as quiet as whisper
I as your shadow
I will take your bed of destitute and destruction
Filling my veins with your plague
Keeping me awake
Keeping me only half alive and half sane
Just for you.
To dream of what I always believed you were

.
And I now own the thoughts of suicide
The padded walls covered in piss and cum
The fear of breaking
Of falling
The fear…. always the fear in your eyes
Shhhhhhh now baby
We won’t ever speak of this
It is mine
You sleep with dreams love
And when you ask me
Why I never sleep
Why I am so distance
It is because
I hold this for you
This secret
That I can’t ever let you have back
We know what it did to you
I can’t see you like that anymore
I am not that cruel
That I love you so much that I would own your hate
More so than your love
So you can always dream
As I lay awake knowing
I gave you the peace you always needed
But could never ask for.